Saving the Ruined Sinigang:
Lesson Learned and a Father Forgiven
Life is not without hardships, pain, suffering, and the added toll of shame for feeling crippled by these unfortunate inevitable circumstances. The problems that are the hardest to overcome are those that deal with other people. We start to be openly vulnerable and love them, worry for them, share the happiest and the most grief-stricken moments of our lives with them. Then there are times where they become the problem. Trust is earned then broken. Words are spoken and not done. You feel betrayed by life, and ask questions that no one near you has the answer. But you have to move forward and narrow your thoughts down to a decision. And those are the most confusing, yet critical part of the development of your story.
There’s the dubiety of the outcome of the series of choices that we make which creates anxiety and disrupts our peace of mind. Will I choose to forgive? Should I? Such experiences affect and compromise the scope of our imagination, disabling us to picture ourselves as genuinely free and happy persons.
I think this is what happens when we lose connection with people. We stop believing and lose our sense of love and belonging. Everything becomes uncertain and goes back to the beginning. Our already confident reality that our parents love us becomes challenged and therefore what’s true is perceived as false.
Descriptively, this is how I would feel if I lost my father to another family.
Short Excerpt from Sinigang
In cooking a dish, we ought to follow a recipe. Well, Sinigang has many recipes. There are recipes for Sinigang na Baboy, Sinigang na Hipon, even Sinigang na Pusit (which I didn’t know was possible until now). What if, probably out of discontentment, the cook looks for another recipe and override the Sinigang already in cook. It’s a recipe for disaster, A.K.A The Ruined Sinigang.
This is how Marby Villaceran’s story of Sinigang transpired, where the narrative depicts the first person point of view of a child named Liza in narrating her story about her father’s betrayal to their family. Where Sylvia, the affair of Liza’s father, and Lem, her step-brother, were the unintended ingredients that eventually ruined Liza’s bond with her father.
As Liza cooks the Sinigang, her Tita asks her questions related to attending her step-brother’s funeral. Liza at first was indifferent about her predicament, but as the story progressed, Liza together with the readers of the story starts to realize the hidden sentiments behind her apathetic repute. Her hurts towards what became of her and her father’s relationship, mix with the Sinigang she is cooking as she mashes and crushes the ingredients.
We empathize with her at the end as she finds herself struggling to forgive and accept her Father as the same man that she loved and genuinely smiled at.
My Sentiments
One importance of stories like this is that it creates a stage for others to relate themselves with, be vulnerable, and speak up about their own experiences. Experiences that they were once uncomfortable to voice out because it may be perceived as weakness. But vulnerability is beautiful, you never know when others will approach you and say that they feel the same, then thank you for sharing your story, because now they have the confidence to share theirs.
The continued version of the story will have been collective scenes of Liza learning to forgive her father — prodigiously reconciling a ruined relationship. And her story moving others to conclude their thoughts down to the same realization — A.K.A Saving the Ruined Sinigang.
Adultery is a Family’s Ruin
But love can forgive all wrongs
Do you agree that with love anything is possible? I do. It creates an environment where the unforgivable can be forgiven and the unlovable, appreciated. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love then is doing all things despite contradicting feelings of anger, hate, and resentment. But instead, it spurs hope, compassion, empathy, and growth.
When you know what’s right but did what’s wrong, that is immorality. But there’s a thing called repentance and restitution. And one who chooses not to forgive despite all efforts of the offender denies the opportunity to be healed. When we forgive, not only is the other person freed from guilt and shame, but we are also freed from the suffocating fact of having been wronged. We move on, love once again, go and be vulnerable again, build relationships again, notwithstanding the uncertainty of being hurt again.
Our society must encourage broken married couples to reconcile and not let adultery be a ticket to divorce. Now that we had a glimpse of what the affected child has to bear with, we must encourage the parents to cultivate a hopeful future for their kid. Rebuilding a badly damaged house may take years to form; new foundations must come stronger than before; the diligent gathering of broken pieces to fixing them may reveal other hidden hurts, but that is necessary to coming back better.
My last point on why we must forgive is because Christ has forgiven us. He has exemplified what a true sacrifice looks like, and he calls us to do the same. Graciously, he was condemned so that we would not be. We were never worthy, but we were never forsaken.
Faithful to the End
Value your family; they are your home.
Persistent faithfulness and honesty provide the ground for others to learn to trust you. And all responsible couples must remember that faithfulness is not a choice but a must. Attending to your family’s needs, not only financially but also physically being there for them, is very empowering. Regular engagement brings the family closer and helps avoid most conflicts.
Store up treasures in your home, create memories — sad and happy, embrace vulnerability and be the first one to say I love you, encourage one another with words that bring life, because where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. And knowing that your heart is where it should be can give you a greater sense of security.
Faithful parents are their child’s pride. So to the fathers and mothers out there, be a mother and a father to your children.
Rebuke but Encourage
Openly rebuke what is wrong, but don’t forget to speak of life.
Condemning others is bad, but encouraging others and helping them realize what they did wrong is not. We should appreciate those people who are willing to reproach us and can give us a sound and honest opinion. If you don’t have people that faithfully wound you for your sake, then you need to find one today.
Also, even if you’re a kid, do not underestimate your power to influence the adults into realizing what is right.
Why is an open rebuke better than hidden love? Because rebuke demands accountability. It urges us to change and become better versions of ourselves, for ourselves, and the people that we love. And rebuke does not condone. It reminds us that what we are doing is wrong, and we need to stop doing it. Because if wrongdoings are left unchecked, they grow larger and can mean worse consequences.
Perfect beings do not exist. Some just become better beings because they’ve learned from their past mistakes and are wise enough not to commit the same misdeeds again.
Take Delight in Your Sufferings
Boast of your weaknesses because it might be others’ source of strength.
What is wrong cannot be right. But what is wrong, with effort and sincerity, can be changed. Unfortunate circumstances are not just wasteful and sorrowful situations or aimless roads that lead to nowhere. Those often happen for a reason, which may seem cliché and insensitive to say, given that my reality differs from others. Nevertheless, it is true. Those reasons may not always be clear to us because we subject ourselves to think that there aren’t any. We are encapsulated to thinking that our sufferings can’t produce harvests, well maybe not for us, but it can for others. And there is a greater sense of purpose in living and being for others than always just being for ourselves.
Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.
— Rick Warren
It was not given in the story whether Liza did learn to forgive or not, but if I were handed the pen and were to write the last passages, I’d give my audience hope and a happy ending.
— Growing up, she learned how to openly share her feelings because she finally understood that revealing is one step to healing. She valued vulnerability and authenticity. And so her complicated story became a published book that inspired other people around the world. Her weaknesses became a platform that strengthened others to also communicate their hidden hurts.
Leftovers
Forgiveness is not easy, but it is possible. Forgiveness and reconciliation may seem inconceivable in some situations; that’s what makes it special when we finally give or receive it.
“Being forgiven is not a right to be demanded but a gift of grace to be received with humility.” — John Piper
| Thank you for reading. You’re awesome! • ᴗ •
